Legend of Zelda:A Hero's Mind
by Potterfan1232
Summary: This is basically Ocarina of Time in Link's point of view. He'll tell you that you might think being a hero is fun, but actually, it's bullcrap. Very funny. Read if you want to.
1. Hero for Hyrule? Screw It!

_Hey people! I'm back! Why I haven't been updating, hmm...I need an excuse...OH! I don't know! I just don't feel much inspiration on my stories anymore. But who gives a crap because I decided to make a new story!(Damn, I should focus one thing at a time. I like have 2 incomplete stories!) It's basically Ocarina of Time of LINK'S thought of how it is being a hero. Yup, their are some stuff that sucks about being a hero. Well I should shut the hell up and you read!_

_I know I said I should shut up but I'm not making a youtube account.(Read my author's note in "Compass of Waves", to find out what I mean.) Yeah. Okay...here it is!_

_Disclaimer-Last thing and I'll shut up. I DO NOT OWN ZELDA! I know I talk a lot._

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**My black and White Dream?**

Why is everything black and white when I go to sleep? Maybe it's because I got drunk from drinking. Wait a minute, there's no beer in where I live! Unless I order them. Though my book on The Emo Way hasn't come in yet. It's been like a whole year. I wonder what happened to the postman.

Whatever. Anyway this bridge comes down and there's this...whore and a cute girl(Princess?) goes rushing away on a horse. I dodged away. I think she hates me because she threw this submarine at my face for no god damn reason. Then all of a sudden this black dude with red hair comes from the bridge. He makes me want to throw up. He starts to smile. Why the hell is he smiling. Is he going to rape me! Oh god!

**HEY! SHUT UP! HEY!**

Suddenly this blue fairy trespassed into my house and get this, she had NO warning seizures! That's against the law! (Not that I didn't break any.) She yells "HELLO" at me to wake up. She could have at least said, "Yo, get up!" But I bet she can't talk.

I've been mistaken. She can.

I expected to say Hey! But the blue fairy can say other things. "Hello, Link! Wake up! The Great Deku Tree wants to talk to you! Link, get up!" Wow this fairy has potential. She yells out "HEY! C'mon!" OH MY GOD, my ears are bleeding! Shut the hell up you bastard! I wanted a fairy, but only as a slave! Unfortunately I'm the slave. "Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?" What the hell is a Hyrule? Is it like a taco filled with meat. Cause if it is, I want one! Oh and yes, I think this "Hyrule" can depend on a SEXY boy! I woke up because I know what would happen I didn't.(I know you do to.)

"You finally woke up! I'm Navi the fairy!" Why are you Navi? Do you like navigate the sea? If you are, screw it! "The Great Deku Tree asked me to be your partner from now on. Nice to meet you!"

Oh my god! I am so going to commit suicide after Navi's done talking.

"The Great Deku Tree summoned you! So let's get going, right now!" I sarcastically nod. I'm not actually going.

**Kokiri Forest**

Navi thought that when I nodded, I was serious. She is so gay.

Saria(This girl that I like. She's hot!) comes running to my house. She calls for me. I climbed down my ladder. I talked to her. It was just a bunch of bitching that I didn't listen to. I was too focused on something else on her. Anyway I run all the way to the Great Deku Tree but Mido, who sucks balls, tells me I can't unless I get a sword and a shield. Aw shit. How could I get these things? The shop!

This midget tells me they have shieldlds but no sword! Damn it! The shield is made of wood. Is there any metal in this world. The Deku shield is 40 rupees. I have enough rupees. How do I get them? Working? Hell no! Stupid people drops them in grass, bushes, even water and they don't bother to pick it up. They just leave it there! What idiots.

Okay I got the shield. Now the sword!

Where can I get a sword...maybe I could kill a Kokiri and use their flesh as one. There's no jail so it's legal! See, I break laws!(Even if there's even any.) I see a hole that seems to lead to somewhere. I say Hell. Navi says a sword. What the hell does she mean?

**God damn Boulders!**

Navi actually is right. There is a sword. Well...I knew it already! I'm about to peacefully walk away, minding my own privacy, not bothering others.

However this boulder tries crushing me. I run for my life. The boulder follows me. This is very similar to something. I think it's in a movie? Anyway I dash into hole, grabbing my hat which I dropped. I survived! YAY!

**Deku Tree**

I go to Mido and is about to slash him but then he begged for mercy.

I laughed at his face and with my shield I accidently hit his face. Just walk away...

Anyway I'm with the Great Deku Tree. I call him GDT M'man! It's funny! He says this evil has gotten into him and is eating him off. Pff, Like I give a crap! You might be lying. It is always possible. He opens his mouth and tells me to get in. GDT M'man, you want me to go into your mouth filled with monsters. Dude! That's like inserting my ding-dong to your mouth. You still want me to go in. This is just gay. Fine! I'll go in but if you feel funny don't blame me! Your fault! It's your last chance to change your mind. Your mouth is still open? Fine then. Just a few things. Don't spit me out, yell and moan, or do any sexual harassment to me! Okay now...this is freaky. Walking into your mouth. Oh my god.

Wow what luck I have today.

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_That's all I guess for this chapter. If you want me to update, tell me. Flames are welcomed. Thanks for reading!_


	2. The Great Deku Tree's Sick Intestines

_Not much to say...here's a new chapter!_

_I own Zelda! Nah, I'm just taking your shoes off!(My quote)_

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**GDT M'man Has No Heart**

Yah, I'm inside him. He has these plants growing onto him. Weird. Whatever I just slash and hack at them and I get a stick. A pointless stick...maybe I could put it on fire! I also get weird nuts. Are these like supposed to be eaten as food or something? I crack one Deku Nut open and eat it.

It tastes like shit.

Nope. It's just a pointless thing I get when I kill one of those plant things. Maybe I could throw them Mido after this. It's pretty hard so who knows what could happen. There's a bunch of crap in here. I'll just smack nuts around till I waste all of them. Smack, BOOM!

You know what I just noticed while smacking around those nuts? The Great Deaku Tree has no heart! He has no heart for the love of god!

**Cool, I got a 5 year old toy.**

Yeah it's kind of true. I have a toy that should belong to a five year old. While climbing the Deku Tree(Getting used it now...keep my food inside the stomech.) I found a treasure chest and I was like, Holy crap! Gold and money mwahahaha! All mine! Instead, it was a slingshot. I swear to god, it was a slingshot. Oh and here's something more silly. The ammo are Deku seeds. There damn, fricken, annoying, weak, stupid, dumb shit seeds! Whatever the hell this does, it's weak. I look around myself. Oh shit, how the hell do I get out!

Wow, I wonder why the Deku Tree has a ladder inside of him. I get the vines and all since he's a plant but a ladder? That's just plain stupid. I wonder if that's his heart. I know! I'll shoot it with my slingshot!

That's what I did. The ladder fell to the ground. Yay! I could climb it now! Whoo hoo! This slingshot isn't bad after all. Now I understand why it's called a "Fairy" Slingshot. I just climb up the ladder!

**Holy Shit! FIRE!**

After killing innocent spiders(I'm cruel, am I right?) I climb up these vines. After climbing up I go inside this door and get this, when I go inside, the door is locked. What the hell? Anyway I get on this switch and does a bunch of bitching.

Still bitching...

Bitching all right?

I see a treasure chest! YAY! Money money money! Yeah! Damn...it was just a key. Back to bitching!

Bitching...

I wonder how I could open this door...I know! I'll use my awesome slingshot. I shoot and YAAAYYyyy...nnnnnNNNNOOOO!!!!! Damn this useless item! Hmm I still have those sticks, right? Heehee. I take out my sticks and put it on fire. I put it toward the door, hoping it would burn. Aw f-f-fairy! Navi is surprised I said a Kokiri curse, aw fairy. Well screw you! Hey my stick is still on fire. HOLY CRAP, IT'S COMING DOWN! I wave it around trying to stop it. I accidently hit this other torch with it.

The door opened up. Simple as that.

**Vanishing Keys**

I am 100 sure my key just vanished. This is what happened.

Remember that key I got earlier? Um yeah I saw a door with a lock on it. I thought about how to open it and then I found out. The key I got from earlier! So I take out my key and slot it into the lock. The door opened but my key vanished! I looked around everywhere for it but it vanished! Meaning I have to find a new one!

Shitty luck I have eh?

**2 3 1? Twenty-three is Number One?**

I found this midget plant. It looked so cute I was about to pet it but it spit a fricken ball at me. I pulled up my shield and let the ball hit itself. I took out my Kokiri Sword, ready to slash, but it pleaded for mercy. Hell no! I dropped my sword down until it said "2 3 1, Twenty-three is number one!" I was like wtf? That was useless information. I just swiped at the little plant midget.(Creative name isn't it?)

I got far into the dungeon. Very.

I think I shouldn't hve slashed that little plant midget because I can't remember what it said. I found out what he meant though. There were three little plant midgets firing balls at me. I blocked all three. The balls did something like this. The second little plant midget got hit. Then the third. Then the first. They went all like, "How did you find out our secret code?" OH! That was the code. After talking about Queen Gohma, the little plant midget just ran away. I walk into the door.

**Parasite Queen Gohma**

I walk in looking around the foggy room. Nothing to interesting. Well whoever that inhabits this place wants there privacy, that is just fine with me! I'm about to walk away. Guess what, the door is locked. I hear something very strange. I look up at the ceiling and there's a giant bug! AAAAHHHH!!!! I hate bugs! There very scary. It comes down to floor. It want's to fight me oh hell no!

Seems like hell yeah!

I run away from it thinking of a way to kill it. Then I got an idea. I take out my slingshot and shoot it at the eye. It falls to the ground, immobilized. Isn't it freaky how such a big enemy gets hurt by a mere seed. This thing needs some protein. I run to the giant, freaky bug(Another cool name!) and slash and hack at it. Yeah! No blood? God damn it!

I now know it's a she. How? It lays eggs! Three eggs came down from it's...oh my god, I'm gonna have nightmares! They turn into mini bugs. No biggy. There very easy to kill. It's actually quite laughable. Oh my god I have to laugh! While I was laughing, the giany, freaky bug fell off the ceiling and crashed onto me. My spine hurts. Ow...anyway I got up and did the same thing I did to the giant, freaky bug before. Slingy(A nickname for my slingshot.)plus Eye of giant, freaky bug plus hack and slash equals Dead bug.

I win! Hahahaha! Hold on. It's still alive. This is the final strike!

**FINISH HER!**

I charged up my sword and did a spin attack. The giant, freaky bug started to burn.

**FATALITY**

My prize for killing it was a heart container. Aw shit. All that work for this piece of crap. Whatever. I step into this blue light and soar to the air.

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_Funny shit eh? Tell me in the reviews!_


	3. Dead Tree and A VERY Short Chapter

_Okay, here's a new chapter. Don't own Zelda, do own this story, thanks to reviews, and all the other crap. Enjoy!_

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**WTF!? The Deku Tree's Dead!**

Somehow I was teleported to the Deku Tree. He better say thank you. No thank you? Yo GDT M'man! Say thank you! Why are you so sad. He's telling me that he was already dying when I went inside? So...I wasn't fricken needed! What the hell? That's NOT fair. I'd slice your head off right now! At least I should get a present of some sort! "I will give you this stone."

WHAT! A STONE! Correction. A KOKIRI Emerald. Pff, like that changes anything. I hate being a hero. The Great Deku Tree says "Bye..." and then he stiffined. He's not moving...hello? You there?

...wait a minute...

HOLY CRAP! THE DEKU TREE'S DEAD!

Just walk away. You did nothing wrong. Aw screw it! RUN!

**Mido, the Bitch of the Kokiri Forest!**

I hope no one saw what happened, then I'd be dead. I walk toward Mido smiling innocently. I did nothing wrong. The Deku Tree died naturally!

Oh shit, Mido saw what happened. At least I think he did. I should just slice him. I AM the one with a sword. He has his...bitchiness.(Is that a word?) Whatever. For some reason, he didn't beat the hell out of me? Meh, he's probably scared of me. I do have muscles! (Um sort of.) I just walk past him. The Deku Tree told me to leave the Kokiri Forest and journey outside of the woods. Well hell no! I'll die if I do. Hmm...Navi is telling me to leave. With a swish of my hat, I catch her in it and then put it back on my smelly, dirty hair. Whatcha gonna do now Navi? Ow! Something hit me. Oh yeah it's Navi. I punch my hat but she dodged and I ended up hitting myself. This continues for about a few minutes. OW! OKAY! YOU WIN! I'M GOING!

**You Recieved the "Fairy Ocarina"!**

As I'm about to leave, Saria yells my name. I turn around and looked at her.

"I knew you would leave this forest someday, because you're different from us," that's kind of harsh to say to a friend. "But that's okay, because we'll always be friends," I think you mean "BOYFRIEND" and "GIRLFRIEND! Although, during my journey, I could always be cheating on you. "I want you to have this ocarina. Play it sometimes to remember the forest. For some reason everything in this world has, "Fairy" in it. Ex. Fairy Slingshot. What's next? Fairy BOW!? HA HA HA Ha ha ha...ha...ha. Oh shit, Saria heard me. Take two steps back...and then RUN!

**I'm Being Stalked.**

I walk outside, hoping I'd be dead. I'm not, cool right? Anyway, as I am about to walk to Hyrule Castle this giant owl comes out of nowhere. "Hello Link, I am Kaepora Gaebora," try saying that 5 times really quickly. "I've been watching over you Link," hold on a minute. HOLY CRAP! You've been stalking me when I was a baby? Oh my god! STALKER!

He has some information for my journey? Oh goody! Let's hear it!

"Hyrule-" Just lost my interest when he said hyrule. I'll just pretend I'm listening. Let's just wait...

"Did you hear what I said?" Huh huh? Um uh yeah! He says bye and then flies away.

I'm scared for life now.

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_Short chapter. Sorry everyone! ;)_


	4. Princess Hot I mean Zelda

_Yellow-I mean HELLO! Wait doesn't hello have hell in it meaning that's a bad way to greet someone? Who cares! Enjoy!_

_Oh and sorry for lack of updates. I am NOT dead. I was not eating in the Mexican resturant a few days ago. (Believe me, I live near it!) The resturant hasn't been opened ever since that shooting accident. Okay sorry for that news. HERE IT IS!_

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**The Bridge Fell on Me!**

Funny story. The bridge fell on me. I wasn't hurt or anything but the people controls the bringe in Hyrule Castle shouldn't just be like, "Hey, a fairy boy. Big deal," and then just drop the bridge on ME! They should've at least been like, "WAIT! There's a fairy boy! Let's wait for him to get out of the way and then we'll drop the bridge. It doesn't work that way at Hyrule and why is the fricken bridge closed at night!? So thieves can't get in. Bloody hell, any thief can go inside the Market when it's morning and the bridge is down. Like me! When I'm inside in the morning I bet they would talk to me like a regular citizan. I put on something like a mask at night, just getting in. I bet people would be like, "HOLY SHIT! THIEF!"

I am NOT a fricken thief!

**A Drunk Dad**

After doing a bunch of fun crap,(Bonbchu bowling, buying stuff, breaking pots WITH a GUARD looking at me.) it was swell. But then I was like, wait! The princess comes first. Well it was too late for that. This girl named Malon was someone that would be like princess. She's pretty cute. She wants me to do an errand. Anything for you cutey! Navi tells me that Saria was my girlfriend. Well shut up, Navi. Can't I have 2 girlfriends? And by the way. Malon is prettier. What's the errand?

FIND YOUR DAD!? OMG! OH MY GOD!

I have to go to the castle and a bunch of bitching such as getting a cucco from Malon. This soldier tells me I can't go into the gates. Unless I give him some rupees. This soldier must be terrible at his job! Anyone can get in now without being caught by paying some simple rupees! Imagine a gangster came and shot everyone to death! Wait shot is not the term...SLICED!

So anyway I paid a few rupees. I got inside and saw a bunch of guards with the same face. Yup that's right, the same face. Anyway if I got caught they'd painfully throw me out.

I'M A KID FOR GOD'S SAKE!

**Metal Link Solid**

I had to stealth like Metal Gear Solid. I had to hide in cardboard boxes. (Well not really.) It was pretty tough and intense. However since the soldiers are stupid and just walks in a pattern and can't hear where I'm walking, it's a lot easier to get through.

I found her dad!

Yo wake up.Get up. Did you get so drunk from the milk that you fell asleep. My cucco screeched out for some reason. The drunken dad got up. (Finally! That means I don't have to carry this big tub of lard!) When I told him about Malon he screams, saying he completely forgot about her. (What the hell kind of father are you, bitch?) He runs off for forgetting Malon. Well my job is done here!

Now he completely forgot about the milk. That remorse bastard.

**Princess Zelda**

I found a princess! After more stealthing I found her! She's hot! I asked something about the "happy dance". Looks like she didn't understand. "You're that fairy boy from my dream," Princess Zelda said. I just nodded without listening. I was too interested in something else. (I am NOT am pervert!) She then pointed at a window. Well let's see what's in it.

A black dude with red hair was walking down.

Pff, well that's interesting.

"Link we must work together. You'll find the three stones and I'll keep the ocarina," she said. I nodded without listening. I was about to walk out when this woman was in front of me saying stuff. She says she keeps Zelda safe. Well that sure is nice and lucky. She says that she's gonna teach me a song. EGDEGD.

Simple enough I just play EF-w-wait. EC. Hold on. ED! ARGH! I was about to kill myself! EGC! AAAHHH!!!!! EGS! WAIT THAT'S NOT EVEN A NOTE! EGDEGD! Wait I got it, YES! EGDEGDEG high DC! Woot! My ocarina starts sparkling! I play the song over and over again until I irritated Impa. She kicked me out telling me to go to the mountain. Will do-wait, Navi did you listen to what Zelda said?

"HEY!"

I guess you too interested at the same thing I was.

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_I am so sorry for not updating! I'm lazy. WELL I'm not lazy! Just lack of updations. Oh and those notes there (EGD) is the real way of playing Zelda's lulluby. I play it on the ocarna but other treble instruments are fine. The piono is great for that song!_


	5. Kakaweirdo Village

_Here's a new chapter! I hate school. I have to go back to school. Vacation went by so fast!_

_Oh and by the way, I got a review saying that Link was a pervert. In this story, many characters personalities would stay the same. Link's the one who has a personality change. Don't like it? Well to bad! Deal with it!_

_Okay, on to the story._

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**Kakariko Cruise Line SUCKS**

Okay so I headed to Kakariko Village being salvagely attacked at night by some fricken skeletons. It was painful but SWIPE was all it took. Anyway I was at Kakariko Village. Talked to this "clock" dude and yeah. So when I went into Kakariko Village, I decided to look around. Fun? No.

At first I thought it would be in the first house. I talked to this fat woman. She said that she cooks people for the poor. I look at my wallet which is fool of "fool's gold". I go outside and spill it all out. I went to the fat woman showing an empty wallet. FOOD! WOOT! I was about to eat yummy food until she said the food's not quite ready.

BLOODY HELL!!! ALL THOSE RUPEES ARE GONE! NOW I KNOW WHY GET RUPEES WHEN I CUT GRASS!

Also I went to this pointless well that does really nothing. Why the hell do they need a well? For water? I bet the water's dirty. Well I should check but how? TAKING A BATH!

I jump into the well bathing myself. Yup, the water's dirty. I was about to climb up but the stones were to high for me. HOLY CRAP! I'M GONNA DROWN! HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!

I should have realized before that there was a ladder. I see a sign and read-"DANGER!". I didn't bother to read more.

There's also this windmill that has a guy playing a song. It's very catchy. Doo doo DOO, doo doo DOO, DOO Doo Doo Doo De Doo! I ask why he's playing that song. He said to get rid of the water in the well. Why that's stupid, where will you get your water and also, how do you get the water in the well to be gone with rain. It just refills it. Use the sun. Someone should make a song that makes day and night. This guy's dumb.

The most scariest thing was the Skulltula's house. I walked into the house seeing a spider coming down from the ceiling. I bravely take out my sword,shut up Navi! I wasn't screaming like a little girl, And then I whacked it, hoping it'd be dead. Instead it twirled, hitting me. I take out my Fairy Slingshot and starts shooting it like a machine gun. Then I pick up a pot and throws it at the spider.

It tells me to stop doing what I was doing saying that it was cursed and therefore turned into a skulltula. Oh by your apperance I first thought you were just a skulltula that was mutated the way you were born. It wants me to get a bunch of skulltulas.

Um...Peace out.

I run for the door.

**Zombie Rape**

I run to a graveyard reading graves. I wonder what happens if I dig them up.

I have such a sudden urge to dig one up. Maybe I should shoot a slingshot at one. That's exactly what I'll do. I shoot a couple of seeds at a grave. There's a triforce under it. I decided to play Zelda's Lullaby. I take out my Fairy Ocarina and put it to my mouth. Time to play Zelda's Lullaby. Oh shit. I forgot how to play the song! Damn, I should have wrote this music down. I take out a piece of paper. It was actually 6 feet long. I scan for the music part. I did write it! Wait no I didn't. How the hell did this music get here when I didn't even have a pencil. Whatever. Okay that's how you play it. _E_GDEGD. I played so good! Navi said I can't keep my pitch in one place. Well you can't even hold an ocarina! The gravestone moves away for me to jump in the hole. Aw sweet! Looks like I did dig up a grave! I jump down.

HOLY CRAP! THERE'S ZOMBIES!Wait, they're not moving. Meh it could be a statue. I look at the acid. You know I'm gonna go the other way so I don't get hit by acid. I go toward the Zombie and then it moaned. It stared at me like Medusa. SHIT I'm stuck! The zombie goes toward me and ties him up to me. He's raping me! Ow ow ow ow ow! Get him off! I don't love you! He got off me. I start slashing him. He died. Yes! Take that bit-OH MY GOD! THERE'S MORE OF THESE! I'm being raped! I just run at the door.

**Sun Song**

Remember what I said about that song dude and the sun. Yeah, I could change day to night and night to day! Isn't that so awesome? The notes are really cool! I could even remember all of them. They were EGDEGD...wait. I should take out my music sheet. Aw frick. I forgot to put the music down. Maybe I should go back down and recover the notes. Wait a minute. I should think.

_My memory_

_AHHH! I'm being Zombie Raped! AHH!!!_

Yeah, I don't think so.

**Climbing up Death Mountains**

Okay I talked to this fricken soldier who said I can't read. Hello! I'm like...what...I can't remember my own age...BUT I COULD READ! I read a sign to prove it to the soldier. It said "This soldier is actually a whore." The soldier just laughed. But it's true! Who the hell cares. He for some reason opened the gates and told me I could go in.

What? That was simple! Meh whatever. He tells me to get a better shield. Well to hell with that! My Deku shield is strong enough for whatever's in there!

So anyway I started climbing up, killing a few bugs. It was no big deal. But all of a sudden, a rock came right at me! I ran way holding onto my hat so it wouldn't come off. I hid behind a boulder.

As I climbed up. I got impaled a bunch of times, crushed over, and a bunch of other piece of shit. It was painful, but worth it. Well...not really. Why the hell do I even have to collect 3 fricken stones? Maybe that Ganon dude isn't a bad person. Maybe Zelda just went completetely insane and thought Ganondorf was a bad person. Just cause he from a desert doesn't mean he's a bad person! That Zelda girl must be a stereotype. Then again I might be to because how could I conclude she's a bad person when I barely met her? Whatever...she better keep that Ocarina of Time thing safe because if she breaks it, I will bitch slap her so much that she will never forget that day.

Man it hurts being impaled by rocks.

I should have really gotten that shield the guard was talking about.

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_Pretty short and not so funny either...still, a cool chapter._

_R/R!_


	6. Gorons are Dumb

_Enjoy!_

_Btw, I DON'T own Zelda. If I did, I would be in Hawaii drinking sweet lemonade. Oh man! I wish I owned Zelda. Okay here it is._

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**Dancing Goron?**

Okay so after getting impaled to the size a thin paper I entered Goron's Village. I would tell you the bitching I did but then you'd fall asleep...maybe fall asleep FOREVER! So since I don't want to do any attempted murder I'll just skip to the part where I go tthis damn goron that dances a lot.

Okay so anyway, he started talking to me saying that his people's source of food is being blocked by a rock so his people can't eat. Pff, you're a big, strong, muscular goron, why don't you just give it all you got? What the hell is wrong with people these days, they never use their fricken head! He says he feels mad about that. I ask if I could have a stone. He said I have to be a man to get it. Um I can't wait for 7 years to become a man you know. Oh! He meant a brave, helpful guy. Okay, what do you want? He wants me to play a song. Hmm. I played the Sun Song,(I got raped ALOT!) and he got more mad. (Shit, what a waste of time. Well good thing I didn't lose my virginity. Heh. I wanted to lose it with Zelda.) Wait a minute, I played Zelda's Lullaby. Shit! He raised his fist!

_Flashback._

I'm with Saria. "Link, with this song you and I could speak to each other," Saria puts an ocarina(How many of these fricken things does she have?) to her mouth and played a song. Doo doo doo, doo doo doo! I played it like a professional! Navi says I suck. I merely punched her once.

_Reality._

I play Saria Song. I hope he doesn't punch me.

WHAT THE HELL!? HE'S DANCING?Oh for pete's sake! This goron's insane. He gave me a goron bracelet because I made him happy. I'm not a girl you know, I don't wear wear girl stuff. HEY! Navi, the skirt doesn't count. He says it'll make strong enough to carry things. Hmm...maybe I could be the supreme ruler of the world with these. I put it on...I feel stronger!

**Bomb vs Goron**

I run outside and picked up a bomb I couldn't pick up before. This bomb looks so cool. I'm gonna pl-

BOOM!

I am all black now. Crap. I wipe the bomb's soot off me and picked another one, ready to punch...then I accidently dropped it. It fell to the rock blocking the cave and BOOM! Oh yeah! I could get in that cave now! Hmm, I wonder how it would be. Smackfat with Batista Bomb vs Gorontaker. Yeah...Batista Bomb would win because I mean if a bomb was able to blow up a really big boulder and a goron can't take down a rock, the bomb would so win. No doubt about that!

**Bombs!**

Anyway, I went into the dungeon and did a bunch of fighting. I hoped that the keys wouldn't disappeer, I was wrong. I killed a bunch of stuff(Don't accuse me as a murderer!) and yeah. Best part , I got bombs! I could carry them around! Yes, now I could kill all the gorons and rule that fricken Goron Village! Except it would be called Links Village. The laws shall be changed, everyday they must attend at a church saying I rock. Also at school they will be learning just about me! Yeah! But if I kill all the gorons, then I won't have people and if I just kill the king, they'll start bitching with me...I know! I'll kill all the gorons then I'll tell the people at Kakariko Village that if they come to my village, I'll give them a plasma TV. Most of the stupid ones will come and then I'll lock the gates! Yeah! BWAHAHAHA!

Anyway, you're wondering, how the hell did I get bombs!? Well I entered this room with like two lizard knight things. When they scream I feel like I'm dying a little in the inside. Truly, I do! There breathe sucks! Anyway I started fighting them one at a time. They have so little armor that all you have to really do is just slash and hack! Slash Slash Slash! I killed one of them!

KO!

Round 2, FIGHT!

I did the same thing to the other lizard. Bitching with him!

KO!

HA! Take that, bitch!

**What am I Supposed to Feed him?**

I came across a giant dodongo. I'll call him kingy!(Since he's so tall) He starts rolling up and tried crushing me. Wow this guy has potential! What the hell did I do to him. Maybe he's hungry! Maybe he wants food! I pick up a cherry like thing and when he opened his mouth, he inhaled it. Well you're not hungey anymore. It fell to the ground. I immediately run towards it and whacks it with a deku stick to see if it's alive.

It's not moving. Maybe I should whack harder. Whack! Hmm...WHACK!

It starts rolling around. Yay! It's alive! Then it hits lava and turns to stone.

KO BITCH!

Wow, it killed itself. It's insane so it should belong in a asylum. Maybe Zelda, she accuses people by looks. I wouldn't have this damn thing if I never met Zelda! Then again, I wouldn't have a girlfriend. Wait I do! Malon and Saria. Whatever, I take my prize and left.

**Goron's Rape?**

I got the stone! Yay! Now all of a sudden Gorons fall from the sky.(What's next, the sky?) It wants to hug me. Wait a minute!

Gorons, plus, Hug, equals, RAPE!

WAH! I ran away.

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_A little Street Fighters excerpts in this to any SF fans. Not that I am, I just did that for laughes. Okay, R and R!_


	7. Somethings in life makes no sense

_Come on people! Review! I only got 5! To my fans that like this and will continue reading, please review! I want to know how my story is._

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**Learning Epona's Song**

I decided to take a day break and go to Bon bon ranch. I-I mean Gone Gone ranch. Wait no...OH! All you can eat ranch! Shut up Navi! I'm really sure it's All you can eat ranch! Anyway I go inside and talk to this girl. Hey! I've seen you before! You're Malon! Sweet! Do you want to leave this piece of crap and come with me in my adventure? Come on, you know you want to!

Damn, she doesn't want to. How about if I take out an ocarina?

Yay she's all happy now! YAY! So you will come with me in my wacky, cool adventure. Wait, you only wanted to teach me a song. That's more of a rip off than this stupid ocarina and what's more of a rip off than that is never growing up! I'm a damn Kokiri(That for some reason, stays alive even when away from the forest.) and never grows up! If there was some kind of object thatgets me to turn into one. Then I would be able to go through puberty! Anyway she teaches me some random notes. I'm terrible at remembering, I'll probably be wasting my whole childhood(If I had one) trying to learn this fricken song! GRR!

Whoa this song requires only three notes and not 5,943! SWEET! I play the tune. I play the ocarina pretty good now. SHH! Shut up, I'd be a disgrace if I made crakling sound with my ocarina! That was easy! YAY! SO will you come with me?

What? NOOOOO!

**Fish thingy.**

Okay I did this and that yadayadayada whatever! I went into a place where fish thingies lived in. Weird, anyway they're blue and looks really yummy.(I mean for the tongue. No where else.) I should eat one of them! Where's the fatest juiciest thing to eat here? I climb up random stairs and ya. Ooh! Very fat fish thingy! I take out my bomb, ready to throw. I take aim...BOOM! DAMN I DIDN'T THROWTHE BOMB! GYAH!

Anyway he talked. A fish talked. You know somethings in life just doesn't make sense. I hate my life now. Why I can't I just stay as a normal Kokiri(That never goes through puberty.) and live in the forest forever? Seriously! He says that his people(What makes him think it's HIS people?) are Zoras. Really? Wow it's true that everyone learns something everyday! Well not me cause I never listen. Well that's all he tells me really...this guy has to lower his calories.

**Mini game of DEATH**

So I played a mini game and nearly did an accidental suicide. Well I got this girl bracelet I guess...maybe I should give it to Malon. Anyway, what happened was that I paid this Zora a few rupees and jumped off...a fricken WATERFALL!

I didn't get hurt or anything except I have to keep in mind to get a doctor to check my spine after this adventure. Wait...how come my spine's not even broken yet? I do front rolls on extremely hard areas, I fall off huge cliffs and live...my life makes no sense!

**A Paper in a Bottle!**

I fall somewhere finding a bottle. I get it and lift it above my head. The bottle has a note inside it for some reason. I try opening it but I have a very hard time doing so. Hey this king Zora's fat, maybe he can open it! But why would a person put a bottle at sea? Why can't they just be like normal people and just give it to the person, MAILED? God!

**Privacy Please?**

I go to King Zora and gives him the bottle. He snatches it away from and gave me the bottle but the note. Hey there could be personal stuff in there you know! It could be from Malon...or Saria...or Zelda! This time I actually LISTENED(Shudder) to the words he says. He said that his daughter got eaten and pleads for help. Wait if she was eaten then how did she give this note in a bottle when she was inside a body? What's this like strike three of stuff that doesn't make sense in life? King Zora says he'll let me enter so he moves his body...I'll just twidle my thumbs.

_5 minutes later._

This guy is so slow! I'd outta throw a bomb at him right now! Wait, that's exactly what I'll do-wait wait wait, remember what happened last time Link. Finally! He's done, time to go in!

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_Thanks for reading! Review!_


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